Sunday, March 28, 2010

My Dogs Are Pro-Union!

As long as that union is made up of trouble-makers!

Each and every day I am shocked at how much trouble my four little angels (Chief was watching as I wrote that otherwise I would have written 'devils') can get into!

And they are coordinated. I'm not sure if they actually mean to help each other out, but tag-teaming Mommy is an hourly event.

Want an example? I'll give you an example!

I go to take the dogs out for their potty break. Simple, right? #notsomuch

I've got Chief in my jacket, so you'd think he couldn't get into trouble, but usually he starts it.

He'll squirm or heaven forbid squeal (randomly if he doesn't like how he is tucked inside my shirt).

Of course I must attend to his every need so I take my eyes off the rest of the pack to find out what has inconvenienced Chief this time.

As if their watches were coordinated, Princess runs off into my Roomie's bedroom to chase a cat, Orlin heads for the bathroom trash, and Molly sprints down the hallway to check out the kitchen for tidbits on the floor.

There's much yelling, then cooing to Chief, then yelling at the rest of the pack, but NO ONE is coming back.

I head to get Princess before she annoys the cats (remember she's 5 pounds they are between 9 and 22lbs so she's no threat just a massive pain in their booty).

She comes running out with that, "What? I didn't do anything" look.

Next, to get Orlin out of the bathroom. Now he really is going deaf (and not surprisingly is the most deaf to the words "Orlin, Come!") so I have to physically touch him to get him to notice me.

The whole while I am stomping my foot, calling Molly, who hauls her booty around the corner before I can catch her in the act (she, of course, has that 'I was just making sure the kitchen was properly secured for the rest of animals safety' excuse going on)

Great, now we can head --

Princess snarks at Orlin (mainly for just breathing, you know her), I turn to address this new frackus and Molly somehow slips past me into the cat room to check the litter boxes!

"Molly!!!!!!!!!" a stomp. "Don't you make me come --"

Chief squirms. Princess notices a cat on the china cabinet and makes a sprint and Orlin gets confused and goes back in our room.

#Oy #yohyoh

And guess what? They need out again!


Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Short Con…

Ok, the other dogs were perturbed that I wrote a blog devoted to Molly’s badness and missed out on their incredible efforts to run my life.

So, here goes!

We will start with Chief, mainly because he keeps glaring at me and using his mind-control powers to have me always acknowledge him as my #1.

Oh, wait, that’s one of his!

You see, he doesn’t go for the long con (because quite frankly he doesn’t have to put that much energy into getting what he wants).

For most things, he just puts on what we like to call the ‘shivers.’ He wants picked up? He shivers. He wants dinner, shiver. He wants me to put down Princess and pet him… you guessed it ‘shivers.’

I mean how can you deny a 2 pound Chi with no body fat and flat haircoat when he is shivering to death? (no matter its 90 degrees)

And on the table scrap side? He knows I would never willing give him any food off my plate.

But every night he wiggles his way into my lap while I’m eating and just happens to catch any food that drops from my plate.

Molly’s long con? A bite every few weeks to months. His method? Sweet, sweet tidbits each and every night!

Now Princess, her badness is all about the angles. She works ‘em. What is the exact position that is equidistant between the two food bowls?

Princess will find it, then lay in wait for any dog to cross her path, then WHAM! She strikes like a cobra and growls like a lion.

She is also an opportunist. Mom looking the other way? Cat around the corner, KAPOW, she’s off like a cheetah. Then when you yell at her, she comes back…”What? I wasn’t doing anything bad (in my opinion)!”

Linus? Well, his badness is in the fact he simply can’t sit still. He’s more of a pinball wizard than a mastermind.

And Orlin? He has no plan, my angelic, boy. Oh, he does bad, but usually at the behest of the long con girl. Need a distraction? Orlin will provide! Need a hole dug? He’s your guy.

The only problem is, when you find him being bad and ask him why he did it, he’ll look to the one that put him up to it.

So he’s a great henchmen as long as you don’t mind being squealed on ☺

I’m sure there’s more badness in here somewhere (like Princess’s trick to hide under the covers right where the other dogs jump up so she can attack them), but that’s for another blog!

Wishing you less criminal dogs than mine!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Long Con

I know I talk a lot about the little ones. All their naughtiness. All their cuteness. And usually when you hear about Molly, you HEAR about her since she barks as frequently and as loudly as possible.

So it is easy to miss her quieter, sneakier side.

You see she goes for the 'long con.' She's not a Snatch and Grabber. Oh no, her badness is planned out over hours at a time (although she is pretty quick on her feet as well, but that's for another blog).

The perfect example was one day I forgot that I lived with Molly and put my left-overs down on the side table (rather than getting up imediately and putting them in refrigerator) for 2 hours.

Now this whole time, Molly has been 'sleeping.' 'Sound" asleep as a matter of fact. Oblivious to the world. The cat walked by, nothing. The television blared, she snoozed away.

Then time for a Mommy potty break. I got up (plate long forgotten) and went to walk away.

Luckily Orlin (who knows nothing of fine art of the long con), jumped up into my chair and went for the food.

Now Molly didn't go after the food, she snarked at Orlin!
"What do you think you are doing you moron!"
He had ruined a perfectly good 2 hour long bluff. She KNEW the food was there. She was waiting until I FORGOT the food was there.

I can't tell you how many times we have accidentally left 1 grocery bag on the floor (you know the one - with all the pantry items that you'll put away 'later') and hours upon hours in the evening you leave the dogs alone for a single second and come back to find both Molly and the grocery bag long gone.

She is also super sneaky about it. Orlin will just try to grab stuff and wolf if down. Molly knows that ya gotta get the heck out of Dodge with your bounty, then eat in peace.

The rule of thumb in our house is... If you don't see Molly, you better check behind the couch and figure out which food you left out.

So don't be fooled by picture above. Molly may look sweet yet is so very, very devious!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

This pack may not play, but they work (it)…

As I was discussing with my pack how weird it is that they don’t play (and if this is your first time to my blog… yes, indeed I do have entire discussions with my dogs – get used to it! :-)

When I decided to blog about their lack of play-age, they wanted to make sure that
they didn’t come across as lazy.

You see, to them, they are the hardest working pack out there. Who has time to chase a stick? Or catch a silly ball?

Molly is, pretty much single-handedly, holding back the Evil Squirrel Nation that is bent on destroying democracy as we know it.

Orlin maintains a vigorous ‘No-Fly’ zone around our house, keeping all birds and planes at a safe distance.

Princess, well, Princess is on the constant look at for serial killers. She pretty much bites first and asks… Well, she never really asks questions, she just bites.

And Chief? Chief is busy trying to control the entire universe with his mind. His tiny, tiny Chihuahua mind. Do you know how hard it is to wake up China with an itty-bitty brain? He does not have TIME to mind, darned it! He is concentrating on world peace!

But wait, you say. They look sound asleep, draped over the bed right now?

Obviously they are taking a ‘Power” nap, duh!